Merry Christmas

Just wanted to pop in and say hello and Merry Christmas. I hope everyone enjoys the day with their loved ones. Don't go crazy eating, but don't count every calorie either. Life if for living - living healthfully and balanced.

Much love,
Ashley

Struggling

I am really struggling right now. Every meal is an effort not to overeat. I am successful about 80% of the time which is obviously not good enough for weightloss. For awhile I was maintaining, but now I have actually gained- I'm at 185.8 lbs.

I'm very upset and very down trodden. I'm relying on food again for comfort. I forgot my office badge and train pass this morning. I had to buy a one way ticket on the train for $15. Then, I fell going up the stairs on the subway- majorly embarrassing. I found myself at Starbucks this morning getting a non-fat latte for comfort. Yes, it was non-fat, but using food as comfort is a red flag for me- that's how I found myself so overweight to begin with.

I've been exercising 3 days a week with 40 mins of elliptical, light weight lifting and ab work. Results are no where to be found. I guess my results are wherever my motivation and effort are.

Hitting a wall

I hit a wall for the second time in my weightloss efforts (the first time being when I started my weightloss journey). I found myself slowly doing away with healthy eating habits that took months (and will take many more months) to develop. After a cheeseburger, fries, AND soda for lunch on Monday I knew I was becoming a different person. Throughout this journey, I haven't ever restricted myself from eating a cheeseburger, fries, or soda BUT I would never be fine with eating that kind of a meal on a regular basis. I wait until I am truly craving a cheeseburger for a few days and then I get a yummy cheeseburger and savor it, usually only consuming 1/2 to 3/4 of it.
This cheeseburger incident is only one of the few horrific choices I have made lately. I have become lazy about preparing my food. I put my foot down though and went food shopping on Monday. I have made all breakfasts and lunches since then. It's only been two days, but it's two days of calories and money saved by making these meals. Bringing my breakfasts and lunches has also ensured that I get more fruit and veggies into my diet.

Food and Moves for the week;
Monday
B- oatmeal with brown sugar, almonds, and dried cranberries
L- Cheeseburger, fries, coke
D- Whole wheat pasta with shrimp and artichoke hearts in garlic white wine sauce
S- none
E- 20 mins shoulders and abs

Tuesday
B- bagel with 1tbsp butter
L- Smartones egg sandwich
D- pizza (2 slices) and salad with 1 tbsp vinegarette
S- 2 clementines, red wine
E

Wednesday
B- yogurt strawberries and sliced almonds, fiber one bar
L- sandwich thin with hummus, roasted red pepper, spinach, and roast beef
D- lemon chicken, cous cous, and spinach
S- non-fat latte, grapes
E- hitting up the gym tonight!

Where have you been all my life?

Well, more like, where have I been for the past 2 weeks....

Desserts-o-plenty

My fiance's birthday was 2 weekends ago and we celebrated at dinner with friends, then the bar, then we drove to my parents and had birthday cake for him the next night. I made a rainbow Italian cookie inspired cake. Omg, it was amazing and beautiful:

Then I had the 5K in my home time. Following that, I was blessed enough to work from home the three days leading up to Thanksgiving, which allowed me to spend tons of time with my beloved family. I was desparately craving time with them, as I hadn't seen them in a month and a half. It also allowed me to bake some yummy desserts for Thanksgiving:

Exercise Update

In other news, I have retired my running schedule for the winter. If I get the chance, I will run on the treadmill at the gym, but it has gotten too dark and too cold for me to continue outside runs. So, I switched back to a regular rotation of the Shred on Sunday. I started small with Level 1 and 5lb weights. Ouchie Ouchie Ouchie! I totally neglected strength training to get ready for the 5K and I am paying for it.

Thank you!

A big thank you for this award :-) It's from Bare It All, one of my favorite blogs to keep up with. She's got a very realistic approach to weightloss and I feel like every woman can relate to her and get tips from her.

I've never been good about posting rules and/or passing on blog awards so why start now? Sorry, I suck when it comes to blog awards.

2 races in 2 weeks

I had two 5K races in the past two weeks:

My first 5K took place on a cloudy rather warm day. I was feeling anxious about the race so I decided to do some yoga in place of regular old stretching, and it really helped to calm my nerves. There were over 1000 participants, so this was the largest race I had ever participated it. It took my a good 3/4 of a mile to pass slower runners and walkers, so I ended up running my first mile very fast to get around everyone, followed by a really slow second mile, an average half mile and a hard sprint on the last half mile. I crossed the finish line at 31:56 , but my Nike+ had me at 30:30. Here are a few fun photos from the race.

Joe's cousin (the cute little shorty) handed out water with the cub scouts. I tried to get one from him but he was refilling when I ran by the station and I got caught up in the sweep of runners.

Here I am crossing the finish line and then right after the race:

My second race was at my old high school on a clear and cold day. Here I am waiting to start the race. My family all came out to walk or run for this memorial scholarship fundraiser, so the atmosphere was much less competitive and much more supportive than my race the previous week. I crossed the finish line at 29:23, but my Nike+ had me at 28:30. Regardless of which times were accurate, I set out to finish under 30 minutes, and I achieved my goal. I even managed to shave off 2.5 minutes in my second race. My goal for spring 2010 races is to finish a 5K under 27 minutes.

From left: Me, Joe (my fiance), Aunt Rachel, Justin (my brother), Courtney (cousin), Mom, Aunt Carol, Billy (cousin), and Brittany (cousin)

Only

I've been a bit glum lately. I've been down on myself for a lack of weightloss. I finally hit a point where I was no longer proud of my accomplishments. I found myself using descriptors such as "only" all too often.

As in, I only ran 2.2 miles on Friday. Or, I only lost a 1/2 pound this week.

Pshhhh! Would I have ever used the word only in front of the action 2 miles only one year? Yes, but it would have read something like this:

I have only ran 2 miles twice in my life. Or, I have only gained 10 pounds this holiday season.

I need to stop kicking my own ass. I have to remember to build myself up. We all need to be reminded of this, and this week I can thank Meredith for opening my eyes. She lost a very dear friend and a wonderful woman last week. I read her post this morning and it hit me. We shouldn't have to lose loved ones to remember the importance of love.

Running- but in what direction?

I've been a good little runner. I got in a few more good runs recently. Not all of the runs came easily though. I had a really difficult run last Friday, but I am proud to say that I pushed through it. At one mile, I wanted to quit- it was cold and windy and I seemed to be running at a snail's pace. I made myself go two miles regardless of how fast my pace was and then pushed myself to go another half mile and then another mile until I completed 3 miles in 30 minutes.

Needless to say, I have been running and running, but in what direction? My weight is still fluctuating between 180 and 183 lbs. I had a great week- I brought my lunch all week to work, I had dinner at home Sunday - Wednesday and then I ate out three nights in a row- Thai takeout, Japanese hibachi, and an American restaurant. I made a partial effort to watch my eating but I find myself at the high end of my weight fluctuations yet again because of my half-hearted efforts.

I want to continue to lose weight but I am holding myself back. At times, I feel comfortable with my body. I also find myself enjoying what I am eating and not wanting to cut out anything more. I am definitely unsure of my direction, but I plan to keep running.

Princess Peach slims down

Princess Peach and Mario in 2006:

Princess Peach and Mario in 2009:

I love these costumes on us- but it definitely fits me so much better the second time around.

Why is weightloss so easy at times and so difficult at others?

Is it your mindset? Is it hormones? Stress? Motivation? Focus? Laziness? Is it in relationship to the amount of exercise you do? Temptation? The time of the year?

If I knew this answer, I would never falter because I would constantly keep this item in check. It must be a balance of all areas or balancing ate of putting more effort into one area when needed and lessening in another.

Whatever it is, I seem to have a handle on it again. It feels easier and the weight is coming off. I have been weighing myself 2 - 3 times a week and I am at my lowest weight around 180.0 - 180.4. I cannot wait to leave the 180's for good. I have spent 8 months in the 180's. I've never thrown in the towel, but I have faltered. When I do surpass the 180lb mark, I will know that my hard work has paid off. It might take another week, or another month to get there, but I know I'll keep pushing forward until I do.

Back to my running roots

I'm so excited to announce that I have signed up for my second race- the Mineola Mustang 5K in Mineola, NY. My first race was an 8K, so the goal was to finish without walking. A 5K is a much more manageable distance so I'm going to set a time goal.

I haven't been running much (maybe once a week for the past month) so I'm waiting to see what my running baseline pace is so that I can set a goal for the race. I do know that I want to run it under 30 minutes, but I may set the bar higher if my training indicates that I should.

The race is Sunday, November 15th and the course includes the neighborhood where I run, so I am excited about some home field advantage. Also, my fiance's cousin will be volunteering and handing out water because the race is a fundraiser for the school district. It just might turn into a family affair; it would be nice to have my fiance's family come to the race and support me.

I went out for a run last night and it was amazing. The past few times I have ran, I never got into the "runner's groove", where you just fall into a pace, your heart rate and breathing stabilizes, your mind is clear, and you don't feel any pain in your body. Last night- I was so there! The first mile was hell, but mile 2 was a breeze, and then the extra half mile I ran was painful again, but I pushed myself to finish strong by running up a hill.

My running was extra fun thanks to my Nike+ from my fiance. I unplug the USB from the wrist watch attachment, pop it into my laptop, and it automatically uploads my run to nikeplus.com. Check out my run from last night:

Bout Me

A big thanks to Alex at Delicious Ambiguity for my award.




So, 7 things you might not know about me:



1. I don't trust easily and I don't forgive easily. I realize that in the end, I might be the one that suffers from what I like to call "protecting myself", but I have not figured out a way to let people in more quickly.

2. I grew up surrounded by family. I never knew a home that did not have extended family living in it. Family is the most important thing in my life. I do not have many friends because I don't know how to have a friend type of relationship- I treat my few and really great friends with family status.

3. I have a very "corporate" job- I love dressing nicely, getting respect and feeling important, but I would probably give it all up to run a farm with tons of animals and lots of back breaking labor because there is something so carnally satisfying about physical labor. This will never happen because my fiance hates farms and dirt, lol. I would also give it

4. I know tons about home improvement. I can dry wall, paint, trim, install a toilet, run wiring, etc. I just need a home of my own to work on!


5. I would rather spend the day in my pajamas with my fiance, a blanket, some movies, and lots of cuddling than going anywhere.


6. I have ocd when it comes to many things, thanks to my father. He raised me very strictly and now I find myself imposing this ocd on others- no feet on the couch, turn off the lights when you leave the room, don't chew with your mouth open! Lucky for me, my fiance is a stickler for the rules too- we get along swimmingly :-)

7. I have vivid dreams- they are terrifyingly real which can be great when I dream about sex and awful when I dream about my fears. I have been known to talk, sit up abruptly, hit others and moan in my sleep.

The Curse of Comfort

I like the way I look. I feel comfortable in my skin.

This is a curse.

Sure, I could be a bit more toned, but I feel like my wanting to be more toned is insatiable- A feeling that will always be with me. But, I really like the shape of my body right now and the proportion.

One might think loving your body should be uncomplicated, but it is not. I have found that it makes it all too easy to maintain your current weight when you love your body. I think that what has been wrong with my attempts at weightloss for the past few months is that I see nothing wrong with my body.

For the peanut gallery

Here are some pictures for you demanding readers :-P

Me and my fiance:

My favorite place at the hotel- our balcony! Here's me enjoying my morning coffee and catching up on some bridal magazines. And check out that view of the beach and pool:

My second favorite thing about the hotel was the friendly iguanas that lounged by the pool and let people feed hand feed them. The french fries made him curious but he didn't actually eat it. Their favorites were onions and grapes:

All dressed for the wedding:

And here are some snapshots of the food culprits. Check out my dessert- its the size of a small child. And pineapple shrimp fried rice- yum!

And another culprit- alcohol! I had fun with my free drinks at the Bacardi distillery. Everyone gets two free drinks, but my brother got us another round for free :-)

I'm back: the good, the bad and the so so

I'm back from Puerto Rico. The trip was great and much needed. I spent time with my parents, brother, fiance, grandparents and cousins. It was the perfect break from the insanity of work.

The Good: exercise. I couldn't wait to go on vacation so that I could exercise! Crazy, I know, but I was seriously looking forward to it since work has been cramping my exercise style. I got in a run around the golf course at my hotel, a run on the beach, and hours of dancing.

The Bad: drinking. There were many drinks poolside and at the wedding. Yikes! I usually don't allow myself liquid calories with the exception of skim milk. All the juice in my fruity cocktails was full of calories.

The So-so: eating. My eating was decent for vacation. I kept breakfast clean all but the morning after the wedding when I indulged in bacon and a belgian waffle. Otherwise, it was yogurt or oatmeal and fruit. Lunch was a little worse with some tortilla chips and a half a burger mixed in. Dinner was always indulgent and usually included dessert.

So, what's the damage?
I came back with some nice color, some sore legs, and 4 extra pounds. I can't say I've tackled these extra pounds since getting back on Monday thanks to a hectic work week of 16+ hours, which equals ordering out all meals. I know I could have brought food with me but I never got to the food store since getting back from vacation, so I am left with an empty fridge and pantry.

Here's to a better weekend! It can't come soon enough.

Updates

In the process of trying to keep up with life, I have not been able to update this blog as I have wanted. I have lots to share with everyone, but little time to do so.

I am going to Puerto Rico on Thursday for a much needed vacation with my fiance, parents, and brother for a wedding and some much needed head clearing.

I have much to share about running, weight watchers meetings, and life. Hopefully, Ill be able to share it sooner than later.

In the meantime, I hope everyone is well! I missing reading and commenting more frequently, but I know I will get to a place where I can resume it. Love to everyone!

Weight Watchers Meetings!?

I am still very sick. I think the emotional stress of the weekend made me sicker. I stayed home from work yesterday, laid on the couch, and took some naps while watching a Top Chef marathon.

I munched a bit too much yesterday on cheese rice cakes. I've decided that I really need help taking off this last 20 pounds, so I am officially going to Weight Wacthers meetings. Before, I have only ever used the eTools, so I hope the added support really helps. Now, I just need to find the right meeting.

Otherwise, haven't done any exercise in a week, and it's killing me! It's going to hurt so bad when I get back into the strength training; But, it was my choice not to exercise with my cold, so I must suffer through the pain.

Happy Hump Day everyone!

The weekend

This weekend was very therapeutic. I feel like a bit of the anxiety has lifted from me.

On Friday, I got home from work and took a hot shower. I had some Chinese food for dinner (some nice wonton soup for my sore throat). Then, my fiance and I drove down to my parents house. My wonderful fiance offered to drive both ways and I relaxed in the car and passed out for just about the entire trip. I snuck a peak at my grandma when I got there, but the light disturbed her so I whispered good night and I love you just in case she didn't make it until morning.

On Saturday, hospice care was in our home, checking her vitals. I helped my mom clean the house and then I ran to the store to get food to put out for my family so my mom didn't have to worry about it. I got home and started prepping all sorts of foods. Wheat pita with hummus, veggie trays, cheese and crackers, fruit salad, and angel food cake with macerated berries and whipped cream. My mother was so appreciative because she got to great the priest and focus on my grandmother while I played homemaker. The priest anointed my grandmother and my family circled around her hospital-style bed. I felt so good, so surrounded by love. I have a wonderful large family and the love was so apparent that I couldn't help but feel calm. I shed a few tears and consoled by cousin for a bit, but for the most part we celebrated my grandma's life. I pray that she leaves this world quickly and without pain. On another awesome note, the priest that anointed my grandma is the priest that will be marrying me and my fiance! We hadn't met him yet as he is new to my church, but what a wonderful way to meet him. I am so glad that he met my grandmother since she will most likely not make it to my wedding.

On Sunday, I slept in, cleaned, and ate IHOP. I hadn't been there in three years, and it was a satisfying treat. I have no guilt about eating it because other than than, the only other thing I ate today was chicken noodle soup and a small salad.

Update

I just wanted to update everyone. I haven't been able to read/comment/or write a lot lately, but I hope to resume normalcy soon.

In other news, my wonderful grandmother is nearing the end. She has suffered with Alzheimer's for over 10 years and my family will be doing a Last Rights ceremony for her this weekend. My family is what's most important right now.

Weekend- food, fairs, and family

On Friday night I exercised and went on a date with my fiance. We usually go out for date night on Thursday nights, but fiance had a golf outing for work. So, on Friday we decided to go to Applebee's. I hate chain restaurants- growing up in the suburbs, going out = eating at a chain restaurant, but now I can't stand it. Applebee's is good for one thing though- margaritas :-). I digress. So, I ordered one, and the grilled asain chicken salad (no crispy noodles, dressing on the side). Even with those modifications, I know the meal wasn't perfect, but it was a decent choice. I also had two boneless buffalo wings (fiance devoured the rest of the plate by himself).

Saturday, I exercised and got ready for the annual family reunion bbq for fiance's cousins. I over-indulged a bit with 2 giant chocolate chip cookies and 1 mini canoli, but otherwise kept my food and alcohol in check considering I was at this party from 3pm-12am (salad and a cheeseburger for lunch and salad and grilled chicken sandwich for dinner, 2 light beers, 1 rum and coke,1 serving tortilla chips as snacks, and 1 serving Doritos).

Sunday, I exercised and went to a street fair. I ate a small piece of a pretzel braid and a few ounces of lemonade.

Hope everyone else had an enjoyable weekend.

Size 10 Jeans

I am officially wearing size 10 jeans today to a family bbq. I bought them a few months back and they have been tucked away in the corner of my dresser. I've pulled them out 2 or 3 times since to chart my progress. I was always able to zip them, but as we all know that does not necessarily mean I should be wearing them in public! I think all my sessions lately with Jillian Michael's has trimmed my midsection again. I also feel that the 170's are so close I can taste it (and you can bet it tastes better than full fat ice cream).

While I have missed fitting into this size I'd ultimately like to be a size 8 or dare I say, a size 6 :-O I can't wait to be in single digits again!

My numbers revealed

115
The number of blog posts I had made at that point

28
The number of followers to this blog ;-)

227
My highest *known* weight

164
My goal weight (as of yet)

0
The number of times I have mentioned TOM on this blog- in your face boys!

2
The number of time I have quit Weight Watchers

80
The number of miles I have run since March.

3
The number of Jillian Michael's DVDs that I own

Thanks for the guesses everyone!

Julia got the most right!

Jack Sh*t had the snarkiest responses (go figure). If my fiance ever called me "lard-ass", 2 would also be the number of black eyes he'd get.

Let's play a game

I want to play a little game.... a game of numbers. I'm going to list a few significant numbers for me and my weightloss below, and you can pick one or all of them and guess why the number is significant. I'll reveal the significance in my next post. Also, feel free to leave your own inspiring or funny significant numbers for you and your weightloss.

For example...
Number Significance
5 - The number of miles of my first race
31 - The number of blogs I am currently follow in Google Reader

Ok, here they are. Go nuts!

Number
115
28
227
164
0
2
80
3

So, what do you think the significance is??

A little bit lower now

Two weeks ago I told you all about how I was "low" in terms of weightloss. These past two weeks actually have me feeling down. I am disappointed in myself. I really got carried away the past two weeks allowing myself to eat past full, drink alcohol in excess, and make very poor choices. I got what I deserved with +3.0lb over the past two weeks.

I skipped exercise on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Thursday was date night and it was a doozie- fiance an I had Brazil Steakhouse Rodizio- i.e. non-stop skewers of meats and endless sides. I didn't mind the caloric splurge because this is only the second time I have had Rodizio in my life, and it was truly a date- romantic and great conversation.

This weekend my fiance and I went to the Hoboken Italian Festival- it was awesome to be in my old town. I miss it! We actually spent the weekend in Hoboken at our old apartment (our friends, and one former roommate still live there). We had great company, but I definitely hit the food and the booze too hard.

Friday was Mexican feast- I had 5 tortilla chips with salsa, 2 margaritas, 2 glasses sangria, pollo asado with rice and refried beans- very yummy. I am pleased with my eats choices, but not with the drinking.

Saturday was literally an all-day eat-fest: Steak and eggs for brunch, 1/3 of a funnel cake and 1/3 of a chocolate strawberry crepe for lunch, mushroom and asparagus risotto and bread pudding for dinner and dessert- eek! I did horribly

I crushed the poor eating Sunday night. I planned out all meals for the week, I went food shopping, and I stocked up on new food containers so I can pack my lunch more often. I even packed my lunch for Monday the night before. Then, my thoughtful fiance got my lunch out of the fridge for me as I grabbed my purse- I ended up leaving my lunch at home :-( Right now I take the train to work, so there was no turning around to get my lunch once I was on the train. This was the last straw for me, I was actually crying on the train because I was so upset with my recent failures in weight loss.

I'm trying to bounce back, one planned out healthy meal and exercise routine at a time. I am proud of the efforts I am making- baby steps.

I'm a "real" blogger

I feel so "special", LMAO. I got my first e-mail from Dr. Geoff Rutledge at Wellsphere's HealthBlogger Network. I'm so official now. I have joined the ranks of great men like Tony the "Anti-Jared" and Jack Sh*t, and I'm sure some of my other favorite bloggers have been contacted by him, but I know for a fact that Jack and Tony have been.

While I'm "bragging", I might as well toot my own horn about the One Lovely Blog Award that I received from cool Cassie at The Wonderful World of Me!

It's my first award, and to tell you how much of a newb I am, I didn't know exactly how to receive my award. I was afraid to put my award on my blog, just in case I hadn't actually received it. I started thinking, "maybe Cassie didn't intend to give it to me". Talk about a lack of confidence in my blogging abilities.

Baywatch

I channeled Baywatch's most notorious blonde on Sunday, Pamela Anderson, when I decided that it would be a good idea to take a run on the beach.

I wasn't planning on doing this, but when I got to the beach I felt so alive. I arrived at the beach and took my aunt's Great Dane to splash around in the water, and I ran back with him on the leash. It felt so good, I decided I must run right away! So, I took off on the beach with my bathing suit and a zip up. I wasn't self conscious about running in my bathing suit, but I had on a strapless one piece and I was worried about a boob or two popping out mid-run.

I managed a pretty quick pace for someone who never went for a run on the beach before. The run felt awesome, but my calves, knees, and ankles were tiring very fast. I ran about 1.5 miles- to the jetty by the lighthouse and back to where we had parked our truck.

Island Beach State Park Jetty and Fishermen

My calves and hip flexors are so sore even two days later! Regardless, it felt really great to be outside, connecting with nature, and getting in a great workout at the same time.

I wish I could say the rest of the weekend was just as inspiring and filled with nothing but healthy food choices, but that would be a lie!

I'm thinking about skipping weigh in this week. I know that I have gained, I feel it in my clothes, but I think weighing in with discourage rather than encourage.

The Lowest of Lows

That's right- last night I weighed in at my lowest weight: 180.6 lbs (-2.4lbs)

I felt completed defeated when I got home from work yesterday- I just wanted to go to sleep. I was already planning to get into my pajamas, skip my workout, and not cook dinner. I remembered to weigh myself, and it was exactly what I needed after that rough day.

Seeing my lowest weight since beginning my weightloss journey, motivated me to march myself to the bedroom and change into my workout gear. I completed Level 3 of the Shred. I've been doing a really good job of keeping up with my exercise DVDs since I decreased my running last month. I did the Banish Fat and Boost Metabolism and the No More Trouble Zones DVDs this weekend.

I really want to see myself leave the 180's. I have been stuck in them since February. It's amazing how I fly through some weight decades in a matter of 3 weeks (the 210's and the 190's) and have to fight my way out of others for 6 months (the 200's and the 180's).

I sure want this to be the last week EVER that I am in the 180's!

A Tale of Two Cheesesticks

Two polly-o cheesesticks frighten the hell out of me. How could a seemingly delicious snack scare someone?

Well, let's go back 8 years to my sophomore year in high school... Everyday for lunch I walked to my best friends house for lunch. She only lived a few blocks from our high school, so the walk never took too long. Upperclassman students at my high school had the privilege of going out for lunch to their homes or local food places if their parents signed a permission slip. When we'd get to her house, I would get my lunch out of the refrigerator...

Two polly-o cheesesticks

I can remember eating my lunch very slowly and very methodically, trying to make the food last as long as I could, pulling hairlike strands of cheese off the stick and placing it in my mouth, barely tasting a thing. I would chase the cheesesticks with one bottle of water. That concluded my lunch. I never used to think there was anything wrong with eating that everyday for lunch, but when I think about my breakfast- nothing or a granola bar- and my dinner- a bowl of soup or a salad- and paired with 2 hour practices for competitive cheerleading, I realize now that I was not consuming enough food.

Sure, I was at my lowest weight and smallest size of a 6/7, and loving the attention of my body was garnering, but I'm sure my body was suffering from the lack of calories and nutrition it needed to keep up with school and practice.

I don't think I would go as far as to call it anorexia, but it certainly was not a healthy relationship food. It's amazing how healthy I thought I was just because I had managed to get into a size 6. I know now that health doesn't correlate with a size.

I feel healthier now at a much larger size 12. I, and others, need to be reminded that a good relationship with food takes work, but the benefits of a healthy body will make you feel better than any silly size regarded as "the perfect size".

Weighing in and Excitement

I weighed in at 183.0lbs last night (+0.6 lbs) from last week. I must say that I am accepting the gain and moving on. After the amount of pizza I ate in the past week (1 small pie or 6 slices- not all in one sitting!) it's a wonder that I didn't gain more.

So far this week, I have managed to make exercise a priority again, even with my busy work schedule; I did 45 minutes (Banish Fat and Boost Metabolism) on Sunday, and the Shred Level 3 on Monday. It's been really difficult to fit anything into my weeknights. I can't remember the last time (must have been 3 or 4 weeks ago) I did something on a weeknight that wasn't cooking dinner, eating, exercising, or reading. Tonight- I'm going to the mall and I'm really excited! I am literally quivering with excitement to go to the mall tonight, because it is a weeknight- wow, what a sad little life!

Review: Banish Fat Boost Metabolism

I really love Jillian Michaels. She really has a handle on what it means to be a healthy but balanced woman. I love every DVD of her's that I have purchased, and the Banish Fat and Boost Metabolism DVD delivers again.The video is structured in her signature circuit style. There are 7 circuits, a warm up, and cool down. Each circuit is 5 minutes long: 5 exercises, each for 30 seconds, and then repeats the same 5 exercises.

The moves can best be described as a mix of kick-boxing, classic cardio moves (butt-kicks, high knees running, burpees, etc), and power/jump moves. I did a few kick-boxing classes back in the day, and I loved them. This video definitely satisfies when I have a craving to punch, kick, and sweat out my crappy day at work. Its also great for getting in a great cardio sessions and a total body workout.

I don't think it has the same toning benefits as "No More Trouble Zones" or the "30 Day Shred" because it does not use hand weights or incorporate other strength moves. I certainly break into an all over sweat in the second circuit and I am dripping with sweat but the end of the video. My fiance always comments that it looks like a really tough workout, as he leisurely turns the page of his latest book, that skinny bastard.

Catch a glimpse of some of the workout in this montage video clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy3m3uyUZ7E&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fvideo.google.com%2Fvideosearch%3Fq%3D%2522banish%2520fat%2520boost%2520metabolism%2522%26oe%3Dutf-8%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial%26client%3Dfir&feature=player_embedded#t=83

Sheer exhaustion

It has been a rough week. I have been working 10-12 hour days with a 2.5 hour commute round trip. There just isn't enough time or energy. I have felt really drained, and I finally had a meltdown on Wednesday. It was a good old fashioned cry fest, and it felt soooooo good. I followed it up with some liquor, pizza, a trashy movie, and lots of hot sex- all my favorite indulgences in one night ;-)
Maybe indulging isn't always a good idea, but I feel much better. Work is still just as rough, but I somehow feel better.

I haven't been tracking my points all week, so my plan to stay on track was to just eat as similarly as possible to the last two weeks when I tracked everything- I think it's working, but we'll see for sure on Monday when I weigh in.
I also haven't gotten in any exercise. I plan to break this trend tonight with a 50 minute sweat fest a la Jillian Michaels- Banish Fat and Boost Metabolism, and tomorrow I hope to get in a run.

I'm finally catching up with everyone's blogs and it's fun to see how everyone has been. Happy Friday!

A Few of My (New) Favorite Things

A Few of My (New) Favorite Things:

Admittedly, I have not been to the grocery store in 4 months! My wonderful fiance has been doing all the grocery shopping as I have been working very long hours and very late days, and we always seem to travel during the summer weekends. I broke this trend on Sunday with a couple's trip to the food store. Fiance and I stocked up on stuff for dinner and snacks. Since I hadn't personally been going to the food store, fiance was picking up the usual snacks for me- rice cakes, cheese sticks, granola bars, fruit, etc. But, there are constantly new snack products popping up, so I decided to pick up a few this week and was pleasantly surprised!

Oikos Greek Yogurt with Honey

I have always been a firm believer in Dannon Lite and Fit creamy vanilla. I detest yogurt with "chunks" as I un-affectionately call those foreign particles of fruit that ruin the smoothness that I love about yogurt. I also tended towards sweetened yogurts out of habit. I saw some people seemed to love this Oikos yogurt for some reason and I saw it in the food store and thought I'd give it a whirl. I picked up the honey on the bottom version. The yogurt is perfectly tart and seriously creamy and heavy-bodied compared to the watery Dannon I was consuming. The honey adds the perfect balance of sweetness (aka, not too much honey), but the honey somehow lacks the usual floral taste that I love from honey.

Special K Crackers

I have purchased many different types of crackers in my time as a WW. I thought why not give another cracker a shot. These crackers remind me of Wheat Thins, but they are less "greasy". Something about Wheat Thins was oily, always leaving oil spots on a napkin or a nice greasy film on your hands. I haven't had Wheat Thins in a long time so it's nice to have a cracker that reminds me of them- salty and wheat filled!

I have also been discovering new "out to lunch" places because I am in a new work location (New York City). I had Chipotle for the first time last month. Don't freak out, I may have never had Chiptole before, but I have been to Q-doba several times, and it is just like Chipotle. At any rate, I have figured out how to build a healthy and tasty burrito at Chipotle so I can eat out with my co-workers and not feel like someone on a diet.

Chipotle vegetarian burrito bowl

See Carlos, it is possible to continue eating at Chipotle! This bad boy only sets me back 5 WW points (290 calories, 5g fat, 53g carbs, 13g fiber, 11g protein)

Falafel

Throughout the weightloss journey, I have gradually added foods that I never thought would pass my lips: all sorts of seafood, veggies, fruits, legumes, and beans. I was a very picky eater growing up, so it has taken a long time, but I continue to expand my food horizon. One of the latest foods I have tried, thanks to an awesome place in the city called Crisp, is falafel! I get a beautiful salad from Crisp with humus, falafel, salsa, mixed greens, pine nuts, and wheat pita on the side- yum! It does set me back a lot of points, but it is so delicious and healthful.

I encourage everyone to expand their food horizons- continue to try new things! It'll add variety to your diet in terms of nutrients and keeping things interesting. Also, continue to frequent the places you love, but take some time and consideration when ordering. I know it's hard not to order your "usual", but you'll never break a bad habit if you don't try.

Weigh In and Summer Smoothies

Weigh in: 182.6lbs
-2.0lbs

This weekend I also made one of my stand-by favorites for the summer and or a breakfast on the go: smoothies! I was reminded off how much I miss them when I saw people blogging about "banana ice cream", aka blended frozen bananas.

I used to go to this awesome coffee shop in Hoboken called Frozen Monkey, and they had a specialty drink named after the place that had banana, Tasti D-light vanilla ice cream, and iced coffee. I recreated the smoothie to save money and calories when in college. I replaced the ice cream with frozen chopped bananas, threw in a scoop of protein powder, and used coffee and skim milk to help thin the smoothie to my liking. It was delicious and it prompted me to make different combinations.

I love these smoothies for some many reasons:
The combinations are endless and easy to customize. They taste like a dessert but are very healthful! They help me get bananas into my diet because I am not a fan of them. It also packs more fruit into your diet. They help use up fruit that would have otherwise gone bad. When the bananas are getting too ripe, and I don't have time to make banana bread, I chop the bananas up and throw them in the freezer, same goes for mangos, berries, and pineapple.

Some of my favorites are:

Frozen Monkey (Approximately 155 calories, 1g fat, 34g carbs, 9g protein, 3g fiber)
1/2 cup cold coffee, 1 frozen chopped banana, 1/2c of skim milk and more to thin the smoothie to your liking

PB Banana (Approximately 290 calories, 9g fat, 43g carbs, 14g protein, 3.5g fiber)
1 Tbsp Peanut Butter, 1 frozen chopped banana, 1 cup skim milk plus more to thin the smoothie to your liking

Banana Split (Approximately 300 calories, 1g fat, 64g carbs, 10g protein, 3g fiber)
1 -2 Tbsp Chocolate Syrup, 1 frozen chopped banana, 1 cup skim milk plus more to thin the smoothie to your liking

Berry Smoothie (Approximately 150 calories, 1g fat, 25g carbs, 12g protein, 2g fiber)
3/4 cup frozen berries (any kind- I like mixed berries), 1/2 cup fat free vanilla yogurt, 1/2 cup skim milk plus more to thin the smoothie to your liking

Tropical smoothie (Approximately 200 calories, 1g fat, 39g carbs, 12g protein, 2g fiber)
1/2 cup frozen mango, 1/2 cup frozen pineapple, 1/2 cup fat free vanilla yogurt, 1/2 cup skim milk plus more to thin the smoothie to your liking

Happy Blending ;-)

Winding down the week

I woke up and got in a nice run this morning. The weather is perfect for running. It really made me look forward to running all fall. I really want to run a 10K, so maybe the end of this fall will be the perfect timing. Only time will tell, because I am letting my body dictate my actions more and more these days, only allowing my mind to interject when it has something worth value to contribute. Case in point:

Fiance and I went on our usual date night out and we chose a greek place for dinner. I wanted something sweet all day, so I instantly wanted baklava. With this in mind, I ordered a light dinner and saved plenty of room (and points) for baklava. For dinner I chose the vegetarian platter with 2 falafel, a tomato and cucumber salad, tabbouleh and parsley salad, and hummus. Then I ordered dessert, I asked the waiter to only bring half the portion to the table and box the other half for me to take home.

The good choices continue. I'm sure it makes for a boring story, but it's been so hard for me lately that it's only appropriate that a celebrate every success, no matter how small!

Food Wars

I have been fighting the good fight all week against food. There were many battles won, but in the end I must win the war.

Last night, I had a lovely time in Hoboken, NJ with my fiance and two of my dearest friends. We went out for Restaurant week and had a pre fix dinner of three courses. I chose the watermelon and brie salad, shrimp nachos (split with a friend), and braised oxtails with gnocchi and carrots, and topped it off with two drinks ;-). The portions were small so it was easy to control myself. The food was good, but it wasn't amazing, so that also made it easy to control my eating.

Afterward, we went for coffee. I had a skim chai latte and I eyed up a beautiful pink frosted cupcake. I blame this lady for my nagging cupcake craving after posting a picture of a frosting filled cupcake! I had wanted dessert all day, so I opted for a gingersnap cookie instead.

This morning, after little to no sleep and drinking last night, I was craving my sleepy hang-over food: the bagel! The bagel lost, however, to the much more svelte oatmeal.

Score 1 for the gingersnap. Score 1 for the oatmeal. And score 2 for me for making better choices!

Weigh In and My Weekend

Weigh in Monday: -3.0lbs, 184.6lbs
Food
B: Oatmeal (3 pts), 3 munchkins (3.5 pts- whopps!)
S: Fiber One bar (2 pts)
L: 1/2 chicken sandwich and gazpacho @ Hale and Hearty (7pts)
S: Fruit salad (2pts)
D: Bruschetta angel hair pasta with grilled chicken and balsamic reduction (13 pts)
Total- 29.5 pts (used 3 AP earned and 0.5 WP)
Exercise: 30 Day Shred, L1 w/ 5lb weights (3 AP)

I went to the Bronx Zoo this weekend; I try to go once every summer. I love animals! It's really comforting and soothing for me to observe animals. The Bronx Zoo also does a really nice job with the animals' faux habitats so it's a pleasant experience instead of an animal in a cage kind of a feel. My fiance and I really enjoyed each other's company and were sure to act like children. Exhibit A: Take a picture with a weird prop from the gift store:

My greatest eating triumph this weekend was my lunch choice. Last year when we went to the zoo, fiance and I split the fried chicken fingers and a soda. This year fiance got his own and I chose and grilled chicken, tomato, spinach, provolone and red pepper romesco sauce on ciabatta. Props to the Bronx zoo for having choices. Eating the whole sandwich was around 11 points, which is high but I needed my energy for all the walking we were doing because the Bronx Zoo is huge!

Exhibit B for acting like children: a snapshot of some suggestive animal species

A snap of one of the lemurs in the newly constructed (2008) Madagascar exhibit. It's such a great exhibit!

There are even beautiful peacocks that roam the zoo, this one finds solace on the grass that is clearly labeled with "Keep off the grass":

100th Post: A List of 100 Things

100 Things

Things I have done

Things I plan to do

Things you can do too


I wanted to relive some of my greatest moments- things that I am eternally proud of- to remind myself of the power of trying new and scary things, setting goals, and achieving them. None of these things came easily- nothing good ever does. It's important to remember that the road ahead is long and it's an up-hill battle, but working towards and achieving one goal is a catalyst for more goals. Set a new goal for yourself, work towards it, and you'll be pleased to see the change in your attitude. Nothing will feel out of reach. That's how I am sure that the new "Things I plan to do" will lead me to a better, more fulfilled and happier me!


My younger years

1. I started my own food drive in 5th grade to collect food for Veterans

2. I won two national titles for competitive cheerleading (Age 10 and 12)

3. I was invited to take the SAT's as a and 7th and 8th-grader and I scored better than most kids entering college that year

4. I was the youngest ballerina at my dance school to be invited to take Pointe (toe shoes) at 12 years old

5. I served as a junior member of the Ladies Marine Corp League- doing community service and projects for local veterans

6. My 6th grade artwork was put on a special display in my elementary school



High School

7. I went out for a made the cheerleading team all 4 years of high school

8. I was named the captain 3/4 years

9. I also made the co-ed competitive cheerleading team as a freshman (only 1 other girl did!)

10. My artwork was selected to be displayed at the county library, highlighting talented artists

11. I took 4 AP tests, passed all of them, and scored high enough to receive college credit for 2 of them

12. I received 3 additional scholarships from outside groups (I applied for probably 40!)

13. I was offered a "full-ride" to Northeastern U (No, I didn't take it)

College

14. I planned a successful conference for 200+ people that included workshops, fun events, and community service projects

15. I participated in 2 week long Habitat for Humanity project during my college spring breaks

16. I organized a car show and raised $1000 for a local hospital

17. I coordinated a group of 20 volunteers for a YMCA fundraiser that raised over 50,000

18. I filed for a patent on a medical device that I designed with colleagues in college (this one is a biggy, as it was a lifetime goal I had set for myself!)

19. I graduated college and met my goal GPA upon graduation

20. I explored many career options while in college, I held 4 co-operative education jobs at different pharmaceutical and medical device companies

21. I garnered more research funding for my co-op company thanks to the work I did and the presentation I made to the funding sponsor company

22. I received a beautiful award upon graduation for my dedication to the Co-operative Education program at my college



Adult Life

23. I took control of my life (most days anyway)

24. I try new things that scare me

25. I had a job 6 months before I graduated

26. I got my own apartment straight out of college

27. I promptly dumped my apartment to save for a wedding and a home when I got engaged

28. I am getting married to my best friend even though I had "planned" to be single after college

29. I am wise enough to let the best laid plans go



Weightloss Adventures

30. I recommitted myself to Weight Watchers after maintaining for 7 months

31. I completed the 30 Day Shred program

32. I completed the C25K Program

33. I became a "runner"

34. I ran in an 8K

35. I inspired my mother to start walking again and she's stuck with it for 5 weeks so far

36. I went down 3 dress sizes

37. I lost 45lbs so far and have kept it off

38. I lost 19.8% of my heaviest weight

39. I decided to create a weightloss blog and have updated it every week since



The Future

40. I want to run in a 5K (well, a bunch of them actually) since I skipped that distance and went for the 8K.

41. I want to run in a 10K.

42. I want to do a triathlon.

43. I want to take a yoga or a dance class.

44. I want to own a townhome, house, condo, something, anything in 2010!

45. I want to continue to update this blog as long as it brings me happiness.

46. I want to paint one painting a year as long as it brings me pleasure.

47. I want to finally make a scrap book out of the hundreds of dollars worth of supplies I have.

48. I want to start a blog about my wedding planning.

49. I want to lose the last 20 lbs.

50. I want to have a healthy BMI.

51. I want to run some kind of business one day- baking, cooking, event planning, something crafty or a dog-breading business.

52. I want to take at least 1 vacation a year for the rest of my working career to recharge.

53. I want to go to Tahiti, Italy, Australia, and Greece at some point.

54. I want to continue to appreciate my relationships.

55. I want to stay best friends with my fiance.

56. I want to create a family tree and history to learn more about my ancestors.

57. I want to bake my grandma's Christmas cookies every year to celebrate her, her life, and something beautiful that she taught me.

58. I want to continue to volunteer to help veterans out of respect for my grandfather and the sacrifices he made for my country.

59. I want to learn how to remove all sorts of stains from clothing (a seemingly protected secret of grandma's everywhere).

60. I want to learn how to better iron clothes and be disciplined enough to do it every so often instead of tossing clothes in the dryer or buying tons of Downy de-wrinkle spray.

61. I want to plant a garden and grows vegetables and herbs.

62. I want to cook dinner for my family with the vegetables and herbs that I grew myself.

63. I want to stay interested and involved in cooking dinners instead of eating out.

64. I want to keep buying my Christmas wrapping paper and cards right after the Christmas before to save lots of money!

65. I want to create a database of the addresses for my Christmas cards and birthday cards so I never forget someone I love.

66. I want to have children (healthy children).

67. I want to create an environment where my children are nurtured to be creative, curious, and healthy.

68. I want to always remember that it is better to create structure for my children instead of being their best friend (like my mother did). Children will have many friends and do not need one more, but they only have one mother.

69. I want to be lucky enough to remember that home is being with those you love. It is not the square footage of the home, nor the coast you reside on that defines your home, but it is being surrounded by those you love.

70. I want to own a boat.

71. I want to throw an awesome birthday party for every decade my fiance ages- 30, 40, etc.

72. I want to be open enough with myself and my friends because in my honesty I always find solace and in the process sometimes I help my friends find solace.

73. I want my friends and my family to remember me as someone who was always honest, open, loving, sharing, supportive, and there for them when they needed someone.

74. I want to always live near the water, preferably the ocean because I am always reminded of who I am when I watch the waves crash onto the shore- only one person in a great big world.

75. I want to learn how to speak some Italian- I find it to be oh so sexy!

76. I want to learn to love every inch of my body.

77. I want to treat my body with respect and give in the nutrition and exercise it deserves.

78. I want to recognize my family's health history and take active steps to prevent those diseases that claimed lives.

79. I want to make healthy choices because I love myself and not because I hate the way I look (i.e too fat)

80. I want to get promoted.

81. I want to always believe in the company I work for- I invest so much of my time there so I should love and respect what my company does.

82. I want to find balance between a work life and my personal life.

83. I want to remember that taking time out for me is not taking time away from those I love but an investment in a healthy future with loved ones.

84. I want to find a balance between saving for the future and enjoying the present.

85. I want to find more blogs that I truly enjoy to add to my Google Reader. I only follow those that I enjoy reading every post!

86. I want my teeth professionally whitened.

87. I want to get massages more often.

88. I want to learn how to use my smart phone to it's potential- I pay so much for it but barely tap into it's capabilities.

89. I want to remember to take time for my fiance, even when life gets busy, because he has my heart.

90. I want a Kitchen Aid standing mixer!!

91. I want to make my own ice cream, sausage, pasta, and tomato sauce because these items are so special when homemade.

92. I want to be a grandmother.

93. I want to live to enjoy my retirement.

94. I want a big back yard with an in-ground pool for my children to play in. So much of my childhood memories are wrapped up in my parents pool and I want that for my children.

95. I want a puppy of my own to train- a Shiba Inu to be exact.

96. I want a classic set of diamond earrings and a pearl necklace to be passed down for generations.

97. I want the perfect red lipstick.

98. I want to be surrounded by love.

99. I want to always be proud of the life I lead.

100. I want all of these "wants" to come to fruition or to adapt them as I change and my life changes.

Thank you to the wonderful people who have come into my life via the blogging world. I cherish your posts and your comments more than you know.

Happy Blogging!

Gaima Yoga

I've been dying to get yoga into my life. I love stretching! I always have. I guess the love of it comes from religiously stretching as a dancer, gymnast, and cheerleader for so many years. The best I had been able to muster were some poses here and there that I knew by heart. So, I figured I'd start out easy with a Yoga DVD and take it from there.
I picked up a Gaima Yoga DVD with 5 different 20 minute routines. I chose this DVD because I know I have seen this yoga dude (Rodney Yee) that was on the cover before; he looks so legit.


I did it last night before bed and it felt great. Now, I realize it says A.M yoga, but I'm a bit of a rebel. It relaxed me and stretched my tight legs. I am really paying for the increased running this week, but I'll just combat the tendon tightness with yoga. In fact, I think I'll go do some right now ;-)

Creepers

I don't know about other weight loss bloggers, but I use this blog as outlet, away from people who know, where I can be brutally honest. If I wanted family and friends to know such things about myself, I would tell them (or I would tell them that I have a blog).

What is your take on your blog? Have family or friends inadvertently found your blog? If so, how did it make you feel?

It's Clicking

Slowly but surely everything I know about weight loss and that my faithful commenters keep reminding me of is "clicking". I tracked everything I ate yesterday instead of adding up the points in my head from my best guesses. After lunch, I evaluated how many points I had left for dinner, and then I cooked a dinner based on the available points.

I rinsed and repeated today, but I went a step further and instead of eating a high point breakfast like I have been for the past 2 weeks, I ate a small 3pt breakfast and a 2pt snack 2.5 hours later. I ate a bigger lunch at 9pts and have a 1pt apple lined up for my afternoon snack. Low and behold, I am feeling more full and satisfied with my food.

It's amazing how we know these things- eat more filling foods, eat more often and in smaller quantities, track your points- but we sometimes choose to forget them or think we know them so well that we need not be mindful of them or even track them. I am not special nor am such a pro at weightloss that I am above tracking my points. Last time I had become too lax, it took me 7 months to realized that I couldn't just pay for the Weight Watchers eTools and lose weight. Hmmm, go figure! I hope I am able to continue to put these into practice so I can say this time it took me only a few weeks to realize the error of my ways.

Gaining some weight and some perspective

I gained over the past two weeks: 3.6lbs.

I understand physically why the gain happened: excess calories and not enough exercise, but I really need to evaluate why mentally/emotionally. I realized two things: 1) I still have an emotional eating problem. It got me to be 227lbs. I have not cured myself of this by losing weight. 2) I have become lax in my weight loss efforts because I am kinda happy with the way I look right now. I know that's typically a good thing, but I think I have used hate of my body as motivation to lose. I also convinced myself that the 180's are where my body is happiest, i.e. it maintains at this weight very easily.

Bullshit! I call bullshit on myself. I could have deemed any weight decade to be my comfy zone, the weight range at which my body is happy. My body is not happy there- it knows it can do better. It remembers being 160lbs and it liked it. My mind is happy there- convinced it couldn't possibly fit in another workout or plan ahead more with meals.

I know I can do better and I must.

A little bit of honesty

I over-ate all weekend. I knew I was doing it, but I did it anyway. I am feeling badly about my weightloss efforts and my family right now. This destructive behavior is a direct form of self-punishment.

Friday, I ran 2.5 miles, so I was glad that I am getting back into my running, but I still wasn't proud of myself because it was only 2.5 miles. My eating was fair- cereal, rice cake with peanut butter, chips and queso dip, grilled chicken, zucchini and garlic linguine, and I finished the day off with a hot fudge sundae.

Saturday, I started my day off with 2 donuts and coffee. Lunch was some chicken and eggplant parmesan. Then, I snuck in another donut as a snack. For dinner I made fried zucchini as an appetizer and had london broil, grilled shrimp and a some fettuccine alfredo, and for dessert I had an apple cobbler flurry (apple cobbler ingredients mixed with soft vanilla ice cream).

Sunday was not nearly as destructive as Saturday but fair nonetheless- bagel with cream cheese and half an english muffin for breakfast, a few chips, a piece of a roast beef and cheese wrap, salad, cocktail shrimp, and cake at a bridal shower, then dinner was ziti and 1 meatball, dessert was some peanut butter munch candy from my Poconos trip as I tried to finish the last of my thank-you's for my engagement party.

I have no idea how many points or calories are in the food I ate, because frankly I am not tracking them right now. I have been only tracking Monday- Thursday for the past few weeks. Sometimes, I'll go back and try to track in vain what I ate over the weekend, but we all know I'm not fooling anyone. I'm not getting results because I'm not trying. It's pretty plain and simple.

Maybe writing all this will help me realize the mistakes I am making, or maybe when I weigh myself later today and see the horrific gain, I'll get a slap in the face that I very much need.

Fitness has not been my focus

Starting a new project for work is always a difficult time for me and my fitness is never the focus- where in the country will my next project be? What will I be doing? What will my day be like? Will I like the people I work with?
And then there are the health and fitness related concerns- Will there be a fridge for my snacks/lunch? Will there be healthy options available to buy in case I can't bring lunch? Will I be able to maintain my current workout routine? Will I have a few minutes during the day to track my food and check out my favorite weightloss bloggers?

The last two weeks of my life have been consumed with these thoughts as I settled into a new project. So, what's the verdict? The commute is different as it is the first time I am taking public instead of driving and it can be very interesting- there are some real characters that commute into NYC: Every morning there are the usual "Blackberry Prayers" where everyone bows their heads over their blackberries as they pound the tiny keys feverishly. Some of the people I work with are awesome and some of them I'd like to beat with a blunt object. My days are long right now: over an hour to get into the city, 10 hours at work, and 1 hour home. The food options are optimal for watching what I eat but there are also a lot of delicious temptations around. But again, fitness hasn't been my focus.

I am trying to remedy these feelings by getting myself excited again to exercise, but so far I have only been semi-successful. I thought maybe another race would get me excited again about running but I can't find any 5K's or 8K's that are coming up anytime soon so that idea is out the window. So far this week I ran on Saturday and Monday, and I hope to motivate myself to run again tonight.

My Engagement Party

After getting engaged in December, we finally had our engagement party on July 11th.

The evening was amazing but it went too fast! I feel like I don't remember much of anything, but I know I felt happy. It was surreal to have all the people in your life in one room. Joe and I looked rather "Connecticut" as my friend put it. I love the look- I really wanted to look classic, like it could have my grandparent's engagement party in the 1940's.

Me and my Joe

Sadly, I do look at some of the pictures from the event and judge my appearance. I wish my arms looked more toned and that I was about 20lbs thinner. More so though, I wish I didn't have these thoughts at all. I want to love my body more than I do already.

Me and the lovely bridesmaids: (from left) Colleen, Olivia, Me, Kristyn, Sammy, Courtney and Brittany

The handsome groomsmen: (from left) Kevin, Bryan, Joe, Austin and Justin

I don't want to look at any of my wedding pictures and judge my body the way I am right now. Admittedly, I am getting a little fed up with my lax attitude toward weightloss. I deserve better. I deserve the best. I feel content and happy in other aspects of my life and I want to feel the same way about my fitness.