Manic Monday

Blah! It is disgusting out. It is pouring and so windy. I wish I was still at home in bed.

This week was an up and down week. I had emotionally good days and I had some really bad days. I think this will be my trend for awhile as I grieve. Last night was particularly bad, so I am proud of myself for pulling it together this morning and going to work.

I've been doing a much better job of controlling the eating which paid off when I weighed in today: 185 lbs (-1.8lbs). I also got in three sessions of exercise.

Steady as she goes...

Trying to keep my chin up

How did I measure up to my goals this week?

#1 - match my 3 workouts from last week
workouts = 1
#2 - track my food Monday - Saturday
epic fail
#3- do not let my emotions control my eating
moderate success

Even though I did not meet tangible goals, I think I did a decent job of avoiding the eat for comfort conundrum. My cousins and I did have an ice cream and PJ party after we buried my Nanny. She always loved sweets- chocolate, ice cream, cookies, and pastries; it was so cathartic to be surrounded by loved ones, making ice cream sundaes, and celebrating the beautiful and strong family that my Nanny and Pop pop created.

Today was a good day, the day before was okay, and Saturday I felt ill with sorrow, so I will not beat myself up because I need love right now, especially from myself. Thank you for all the supportive comments and prayers. It truly meant so much to me.

Onto other plans.... I really need to refocus my attentions to my health- celebrate my success and reflects on my failures to learn from them. So, I'd like to highlight some significant numbers:

Current weight: 186.8lbs (still up 3lbs from the holidays)
Pounds left to lose: 22.8
Weeks until my dress fitting: 18 (need to lose 1.26lbs per week to reach goal by then)
Weeks until my wedding: 44 (yay!)

Maybe I should crawl before I walk...

So, how did my baby steps go this week? Good, but there is definitely room for improvement.

Baby Step #1 - exercise at least 4 times this week
I only got in 3 workouts
Sunday- 30 Day Shred
Monday - 30 Day Shred
Friday - 45 minutes on elliptical and 15 minutes arms

Baby Step #2 - do not eat any chocolate candy this week because you have forgotten how to control yourself
Surprise, surprise - I was able to do this one.

Baby Step #3 - track your points this week
I tracked my food Monday to Friday - I always fail at tracking on the weekend :-/ but I did a great job of bringing my lunch and planning my meals ahead.

I think I better crawl before I learn to walk...so, this week I plan to
#1 - match my 3 workouts from last week, bonus if I get in 4
#2 - track my food Monday - Saturday
#3- do not let my emotions control my eating

#3 will be my biggest challenge this week. My grandmother passed away today and I am heartbroken and relieved. She suffered with Alzheimer's for 11 years, but I had the joy and privilege of living with her and my grandfather all my life. So though I am happy she is no longer suffering in her physical form, I am heartbroken. I'm a known emotional eater so I will put extra effort into confronting my emotions instead of eating to the point of physical pain to distract myself from the situation.

Me and my Nanny

My Junior Prom with Nanny and Pop pop

My Nanny's 65th Birthday party

Happy New Year and Updates

Welcome back to the grind, everyone. I hope you had a fun filled New Years. Mine was filled with lots of debauchery- from gluttonous eating, to excessive drinking, and the ultimate laziness of lounging in bed.
I know that I gained weight because I kept peeking at the scale all week, but I'll officially weigh in tonight and post it soon. I also intend to go back to posting of weekly weightloss. I stopped doing this because the lacks of losses was embarrassing, but I definitely need to keep my weightloss front and center to remind me that progress doesn't come without effort.

Work - Stress Relationship
The hardest part for me is the amount of stress I have been under with work. It really challenges me to fit in any kind of workout, cook proper meals, food shop in a timely manner, and not binge on high fat foods. I have mostly been failing these challenges lately. In positive news, I have started a new project as of today and anticipate a much more regular work hours, yay!

Wedding Stuff
I have less than 330 days to my wedding. This may seem like all the time in the world for weightloss, but the truth of the matter is that I haven't lost any weight since last May, when I reached my all time low of 180lbs. I found my wedding dress in November and it will be ready for fittings in May. I didn't do anything crazy, like order down a wedding dress size so I would truly like to be at my goal weight when the dress comes in so that the fittings can be started immediately. I worry about losing more weight and having my dress hang off of me and not having enough time to take it in. It needs to be a really tight fit because it's a mermaid shape- aka. fitted all the way down the body, almost to the knees.

Baby Steps
I don't have some mastermind of a plan in place for attacking the goal of being at goal by May, mostly because I haven't set aside time to do it, so I'm starting with baby steps for this week to get myself back on track.
Baby Step #1 - exercise at least 4 times this week
Baby Step #2 - do not eat any chocolate candy this week because you have forgotten how to control yourself
Baby Step #3- track your points this week