It's been a while

Another summer come and gone. It really is my favorite time of year.
This summer was a doozy. Since June, here are a few highlights:

Happy 25th Birthday to me!

Surprise - July 11th was my bridal shower

I attended my first ever WW meeting - I still don't know if it's right for me

Regular gym visits have kept me feeling healthy and focused

I stayed solidly in the 170's

House hunting turned up a possibility - we made an offer and it was accepted!

My little brother entered his first body building competition and I got to be his trainer :-)

I hope to write more about some of these topics to catch up from the summer. It's been a very busy time for me with the house hunt, wedding planning, and trying to make health and fitness an everyday part of my life.

Boo-ya! Welcome to the 170's

Check it out!

Don't mind my poor cracked scale - there was a mother-in-law incident. Look past the crack, and check out that number - 179.8 lbs!!

There was no parade or statues erected in my name, but there was a hug and kiss from my fiance and a big ole smile on my face :-)

Here's to making the 170's a much shorter lived visit than the 180's.

Help!

I think the only way I will ever get under 180lbs is with your help. I think with accountability and support, I can do it.

Basically, I keep coming around here, touting about how I'm so close to going below 180, and then I find myself 3lbs up again. Then, I disappear until I am back to 180, and I visit again to post about it.

Well, not no more! I'm going to stay and deal with whatever number I get next week because this whole lose, post, gain, disappear, lose, post thing is getting old.

I think it hit me when I went to the doctor this week and she told me I was 2lbs less than last year - yay for losing, but damn - a whole year was "wasted" in terms of progress.

So, here I am - 180.6lbs. If there was ever a week to lose the weight, it is this one. Regardless, I'll let the world know what I weigh next Tuesday when I weigh in again.

P.S - Carlos is back, and I might have found it a tad bit inspiring ;-)

I must have a tapeworm

All I did this weekend was eat, eat, eat - yuck!

I really need to get my sh*t together. I'm the only one sabotaging myself here.

And damn it, I am worth more.

Die 180, Die!

No 170's for me :-(

It looks like I won't be reporting from the 170's this week. I weighed myself and I am at 180.4 lbs or +0.2lbs from last week. It's disappointing and a bit disheartening.

I may have set myself up for failure by eating out for dinner 3 times last week, knowing I would be attending a baby shower this weekend. I tried to make wise decisions in all of these instances, but I also didn't get in as many workouts this week (only 2).

Me and my fiance are on the offensive this week to bust through the 180's. He will help me by food shopping so I may bring breakfast and lunch to work every day and he will not tempt me with eating out - we'll be sure to eat dinner at home all week. I'm really lucky to have my fiance on my side as I attack the 180's in hopes of being rid of them for good.

A complete 180

That's what I weigh... 180... well, 180.2 lbs to be exact.

I have had a go hard or go home mentality the past two weeks and I have been rewarded with two big losses in a row: -4.2lbs and -3.6lbs.

I have been at this crossroads before. I am at the threshold of a new weight decade. I truly hope to report to everyone next week from well within the 170's.

My life hasn't been peachy lately, but I'll save that post for another time. I want to keep my message positive, my spirits high and my efforts focused.

Back and forth

I haven't been posting too often because I keep going back and forth about my desire to continue... much like I keep going back and forth about my desire to lose more weight.

On one hand, at least 15 people told me I look amazing this weekend and that I look like I lost weight - mind you I am up 7lbs from my lowest weight last year. My fiance loves me no matter what I look like - that was reinforced when he never changed how he treated me whether I weighed 155lbs when I met him or at my *known* peak of 227lbs. But, ultimately I am not satisfied with my body, and I want to feel complete and utter love for my body and comfort in my skin.

I have to do this for myself.

Running makes me hungry

Since my last post about exercising in the mornings, I did the 30 Day Shred two more times before work that same week. Then, my work hours decreased dramatically and I took to running outside after work. So, even though I didn't stick with my goal of exercising before work, I have managed to work running back into my schedule.

One problem, however, is that when I increase my running mileage....I GET HUNGRY, REALLY HUNGRY! I struggle mentally with giving my body the calories it wants to keep running and withholding calories to ensure that I lose weight. I find myself in a circular argument with myself and I find my weight lose at a continued stalemate....

What to do? What to do?

Give up running to a less strenuous form of cardio to ensure that I lose more weight or keep pushing myself to become physically stronger through running and keep fueling my body to do so.

Here are a few of my most recent runs:

A NSSV

No, I didn't stutter - I said N S S V - or a Not So Small Victory

I have had a goal to start working out in the mornings before work, but with all the late hours at work, I just didn't have the energy in the mornings.

Well, this morning, I had the alarm set for 6:15am and I promptly got out of bed and got dressed to exercise. It was pouring so I opted for a DVD instead of a run.

This may seem like no big deal but I NEVER get up earlier than absolutely necessary to get ready for things. Seriously, I am the girl that does everything at night (shower, pack my lunch, pick out clothes, etc) so I can wake up 30 mins before I have to walk out the door.

So, this morning at 6:30am I did the 30 Day Shred and I am so proud :-)

I need to re-focus on myself

If my life only consisted of work, then I could easily say that things are awesome. I am a person, with needs, and what I really need is to re-focus my energy back on myself.

Honestly, my life is revolving around work right now. I am working so hard to get a promotion and I am well on my way, but I am starting to feel like my life is suffering because of this.

Case in point: My "normal" work day is 9.5 hours. The past two weeks I have put in 12 - 16 hours and my health is definitely suffering. We order in food when we work long hours. I have done a decent job of making healthy selections (the good choices: steamed vegetarian dumplings, edamame, chicken satay, miso soup; the bad choices: bagel, cupcake, chicken tikka masala, and a small amount of mac and cheese), but there is absolutely no time for exercise. It is beautiful outside - I should be running! At the very least, I should be popping in the Shred to stay toned. I find it impossible to squeeze in exercise as the long work hours require a certain amount of sleep to maintain focus and energy.

I miss exercise...
I miss running...
I miss yoga...
I miss toning...

I miss weighing-in and seeing a loss every week....

Breaking it up into bite sized pieces...

How am I going to lose more weight when it seems to want to stay on me?
Break it up into bite sized pieces - 5lb pieces at a time.

What's my goal?
Get to 180lbs (again).

How will I do it?
Using the basics - exercise and tracking my food while focusing on whole foods like fruits and vegetables

How am I doing?
There were times of weakness and binges this weekend. I have started off Monday with a clean slate. I ate well all day Monday and Tuesday, ensuring that I consume plenty of vegetables

Monday
B: Plain oatmeal, almonds, dried cranberries and splendaSkim latte with splenda
L: 10 vegetable soup with 7 grain bread
S: 2 hersey's kisses, 20 mini everything breadsticks
D: 4 steamed dumplings, 4 skewers chicken satay without the peanut sauce
S: mixed berries with a sprinkle of sugar and whipped cream

Tuesday
B: 1/2 apple, grapes, brie and cheddar cheese, skim latte
L: Hummus, 1/2 wheat pita, chickpea salad
S: 8 starburst, 3 hershey's kisses
D: Roasted Moroccan vegetables over cous cous
S: fat free fudgesicle
E: 30 minutes cardio kick-boxing

Alive and well

It's been about a month since I've showed my face around these parts. I know sometimes everyone assumes that things aren't well when someone doesn't blog regularly. Well, I can assure you that I was not barricaded in a room somewhere stuffing myself full of food, sky-rocketing my weight.

I'm happy (well, not happy exactly) to report that I am still at 185lbs. I'm happy because in my past, death of family has always equalled eating for comfort, and I have not let my grandmother's death become an excuse to eat. On the flip side, no real progress has been made to chip away the pounds.

Since my last post, I've had some great weeks of exercise and eating, with one not so great week throw in there. I ate lots on Valentine's Day when my fiance and I made a wonderful 5 course meal:

Are you drooling, yet?

I had a tasting for my wedding - I showed surprising restraint because the next day I was flying to the Bahamas and my parents and my fiances' parents joined us for a great night:

Joe, Me, Mom, Dad, Donna, and Joe

It felt amazing to be in the sun and completely forget about work for a bit:

Since then, I have been working really hard. Even though I do find time to read everyone's blogs on my train rides to work, I really miss posting and commenting. It's the interaction with everyone that I crave.

Until next time, be well everyone!

Little Choices

I didn't do the Shred last week like I said I would, and I didn't make a good choice during date night dinner. But, I have gotten myself back in gear all thanks to running. I have been talking about how much I want to go running, but the weather has kept me indoors and I loathe running on the treadmill. So, I hung up my running shoes until Spring. I had planned to start up again the same week as daylight saving time, but I miss it so much that I couldn't wait anymore.

I sucked it up, bundled up (it was about 20 degrees), and went for a slow 2 mile run with a goal of 10 min miles. The wind was so bad on some blocks, that I was almost running in place, but it was worth it. Here's what I ended up with:

It wasn't the best run ever, and it wasn't the fastest, but I did it and that's what counts. The run helped get me into a healthy mindset. I packed my breakfast and lunch yesterday for work and I stuck to them. I did get hungry in the late afternoon accompanied by a severe headache, so I went and bought a cliff bar instead of snacking on the office candy bowl.

Then, last night when I got home from work around 8pm, I was very sore and very tired. I skipped out on making a healthy dinner and fiance and I plopped ourselves on the couch with some leftover pizza and beer and good tv. I certainly didn't want to exercise after that, but the rest gave me the energy I needed to make it through the Shred followed by some nice yoga to help with soreness. Another little choice that went a long way- I already have more energy and feel better about myself and all this after only 2 consecutive days of exercise. All these little choices are what make the difference.

Long and hard...

This week has been long and hard... just like the 3rd grade for (fill in ethnic group to stereotype/insult). I kid.

This week has all sorts of sucked though. I am tired and that makes me lazy. I am stressed/full of hormones and that makes me crave foods. Worst of all, I have given in and allowed excuses. I need to exercise, and I need to put some effort into what I eat.

30 Day Shred tonight? Planning ahead what I will eat our for my date dinner with fiance? Sounds like a good plan, but can I stick to it? I'll let you all know...

The inner fat girl

I'd like to introduce everyone to my nemesis: my inner fat girl. No one likes her, especially not me. She always thinks she is a welcome when I go out drinking. After I've had a few drinks, she rears her ugly head, demanding food- frozen yogurt covered in mangoes, strawberries, and granola and then a coffee roll from Dunking Donuts- ughhhh. All this after a huge dinner of sushi, really? She's such a beast!

She showed up uninvited on Saturday night when I was trying to have a great night out with my closest friends. A night of fun that I haven't had in awhile. We'll see how much damage she did to my weightloss this week when I weigh in later today....

Manic Monday

Blah! It is disgusting out. It is pouring and so windy. I wish I was still at home in bed.

This week was an up and down week. I had emotionally good days and I had some really bad days. I think this will be my trend for awhile as I grieve. Last night was particularly bad, so I am proud of myself for pulling it together this morning and going to work.

I've been doing a much better job of controlling the eating which paid off when I weighed in today: 185 lbs (-1.8lbs). I also got in three sessions of exercise.

Steady as she goes...

Trying to keep my chin up

How did I measure up to my goals this week?

#1 - match my 3 workouts from last week
workouts = 1
#2 - track my food Monday - Saturday
epic fail
#3- do not let my emotions control my eating
moderate success

Even though I did not meet tangible goals, I think I did a decent job of avoiding the eat for comfort conundrum. My cousins and I did have an ice cream and PJ party after we buried my Nanny. She always loved sweets- chocolate, ice cream, cookies, and pastries; it was so cathartic to be surrounded by loved ones, making ice cream sundaes, and celebrating the beautiful and strong family that my Nanny and Pop pop created.

Today was a good day, the day before was okay, and Saturday I felt ill with sorrow, so I will not beat myself up because I need love right now, especially from myself. Thank you for all the supportive comments and prayers. It truly meant so much to me.

Onto other plans.... I really need to refocus my attentions to my health- celebrate my success and reflects on my failures to learn from them. So, I'd like to highlight some significant numbers:

Current weight: 186.8lbs (still up 3lbs from the holidays)
Pounds left to lose: 22.8
Weeks until my dress fitting: 18 (need to lose 1.26lbs per week to reach goal by then)
Weeks until my wedding: 44 (yay!)

Maybe I should crawl before I walk...

So, how did my baby steps go this week? Good, but there is definitely room for improvement.

Baby Step #1 - exercise at least 4 times this week
I only got in 3 workouts
Sunday- 30 Day Shred
Monday - 30 Day Shred
Friday - 45 minutes on elliptical and 15 minutes arms

Baby Step #2 - do not eat any chocolate candy this week because you have forgotten how to control yourself
Surprise, surprise - I was able to do this one.

Baby Step #3 - track your points this week
I tracked my food Monday to Friday - I always fail at tracking on the weekend :-/ but I did a great job of bringing my lunch and planning my meals ahead.

I think I better crawl before I learn to walk...so, this week I plan to
#1 - match my 3 workouts from last week, bonus if I get in 4
#2 - track my food Monday - Saturday
#3- do not let my emotions control my eating

#3 will be my biggest challenge this week. My grandmother passed away today and I am heartbroken and relieved. She suffered with Alzheimer's for 11 years, but I had the joy and privilege of living with her and my grandfather all my life. So though I am happy she is no longer suffering in her physical form, I am heartbroken. I'm a known emotional eater so I will put extra effort into confronting my emotions instead of eating to the point of physical pain to distract myself from the situation.

Me and my Nanny

My Junior Prom with Nanny and Pop pop

My Nanny's 65th Birthday party

Happy New Year and Updates

Welcome back to the grind, everyone. I hope you had a fun filled New Years. Mine was filled with lots of debauchery- from gluttonous eating, to excessive drinking, and the ultimate laziness of lounging in bed.
I know that I gained weight because I kept peeking at the scale all week, but I'll officially weigh in tonight and post it soon. I also intend to go back to posting of weekly weightloss. I stopped doing this because the lacks of losses was embarrassing, but I definitely need to keep my weightloss front and center to remind me that progress doesn't come without effort.

Work - Stress Relationship
The hardest part for me is the amount of stress I have been under with work. It really challenges me to fit in any kind of workout, cook proper meals, food shop in a timely manner, and not binge on high fat foods. I have mostly been failing these challenges lately. In positive news, I have started a new project as of today and anticipate a much more regular work hours, yay!

Wedding Stuff
I have less than 330 days to my wedding. This may seem like all the time in the world for weightloss, but the truth of the matter is that I haven't lost any weight since last May, when I reached my all time low of 180lbs. I found my wedding dress in November and it will be ready for fittings in May. I didn't do anything crazy, like order down a wedding dress size so I would truly like to be at my goal weight when the dress comes in so that the fittings can be started immediately. I worry about losing more weight and having my dress hang off of me and not having enough time to take it in. It needs to be a really tight fit because it's a mermaid shape- aka. fitted all the way down the body, almost to the knees.

Baby Steps
I don't have some mastermind of a plan in place for attacking the goal of being at goal by May, mostly because I haven't set aside time to do it, so I'm starting with baby steps for this week to get myself back on track.
Baby Step #1 - exercise at least 4 times this week
Baby Step #2 - do not eat any chocolate candy this week because you have forgotten how to control yourself
Baby Step #3- track your points this week